Acknowledge The Little Things

I Heart YouYou’ve been taught to say “thank you” for presents, but do you acknowledge the little presents your sweetheart gives you every day? You can never say thank you enough or be thanked enough. Grand gestures are fun and they can make your heart soar. But if they only happen once or twice a year what’s the fun in that? Little gestures are not as splashy and they might even go unnoticed. Sometimes it seems like if it wasn’t for the raindrops the oceans would soon be empty and doing small acts of kindness for the one you love or receiving kindness from them can be like raindrops that keep your reservoir of love flowing.

When people lose their sweetheart whom they’ve loved dearly, it’s not the grand gestures that they miss. It’s the little things. It’s the nightly kiss goodnight. It’s the vase with just one flower in it that they gave you just because, its hold hands at the movies. It’s the hugs and that sparkly in their eyes that says  I’m glad you’re here. The little things are like the nails that hold a house together . You don’t see them, but they’re doing their work. And like nails, the little things don’t insert themselves without some help. Each one may not take a lot of energy, but if you put just enough energy into the little things, over time you’ll build a great big love.

Everybody wants to hear how much, and precisely why, he or she is loved. Even when they’ve been chosen, even when they’ve tied the knot, they still need the verbal reassurance that they are loved. Everyone needs to be endured, to feel that they are special, delightful, delicious, precious, irreplaceable, to the one they love. They want to be singled out, to be told we are loved above all by the person who has chosen us. You shouldn’t settle for less. Make no mistake having feelings about someone isn’t as good as sharing those feelings with them. Make no mistake words mean a lot to all of us. We all walk around with a huge collection of insecurities, and none of us is so sure, so cut and dry in our conviction about our own self-worth that we don’t need the inspiration of being told every which way, over and over again, exactly why, how and how much we are loved. We need to be told, and the words need to be heart-felt. You’re not a trash can and you were created to be loved in all the right ways not in ways that cause you pain.

 

You Deserve To Bathe In Loves Glow

love (2)Love is complex all by itself and it’s not an emotion that can readily be understood. You can’t take it apart to analyze it and it doesn’t become any clearer when seen through a microscope.  Many men enjoy complexity and life is like a giant puzzle they’re itching to solve, and the more pieces, the better. That’s fine if they are building something in their workshops, tinkering with their cars, or driving to some unknown destination, but is doesn’t always work so well when assembling love.

Just because love exists doesn’t mean that it can be understood. So accept love’s simplicity and appreciate it without an examination. Accept it as it is. Accept each other and your singular. Think of it this way love is like a coat of many colors. You put it on and bathe in its glow. You don’t have to understand anything. You don’t have to see how the pieces fit they just do for the two of you. Remember you’re not a car to just be tinkered with or driven to some unknown destination . . .  you deserve to experience the simplicity of love and bathe in loves glow.

Rediscover The Harmony In Your Life

A man should find himself before he finds a womanHarmony is the spiritual beauty of any intimate relationship and the elegant coexistence, peaceful compatibility, a similarity of frequency. It’s knowing that you share the same view of the world, that what you want out of life runs along parallel lines. It’s looking at your sweetheart and being able to say to yourself,”We stand for the same things, don’t we? “We may encounter some rough spots, but at heart we both share the same values.”

In relationships, harmony is a gift of the spirit. It is a mystic similarity of essence that allows you to operate both separately and together from knowing that between you there is a sacred resonance. In a sense, it’s the very reason you chose each other in the first place, if there weren’t a certain degree of harmony between you, you wouldn’t have thrown your lot in together and established a relationship. When there’s harmony you can feel it: it will add grace to all your undertakings, your work, the rearing of your children, the way you conduct the actions in your daily life, the way you handle conflict, and what you perceive to be the underlying deep direction of your life.

Unfortunately, life scratches and claws at the harmony of our relationships. Too many demands in to many forms can undermine the pleasant ground of any union’s harmoniousness. Conversely, harmony that is nurtured can be restored by being lovingly remembered. If the harmony in your relationship is lacking ask yourselves the following questions: After all the fuss and fray, when the kids are in bed, when the fight is over, is the stream of your life together most of the time so good, so flowing, that, in general, you can give thanks for his or her presence in you life? In what ways are the two of you at the core, a complement, a mirror, a balance for one another? What things still gives you pleasure together? What is the highest purpose of your relationship and what is your common undertaking? 

If you are having a hard time finding answers to these  questions, take a good look at what’s compromising the harmony in your relationship. Is it something you can change? is it circumstantial, you’re wife’s been working over time for a month, or is it an emotionally issue that needs to be dealt with? What is the one thing you can do or say that would be a first step towards restoring harmony? Once you take the first step towards harmony it will pursue you.

 

Be Careful Who You Hook Up With!

FriendshipThe following is a list of people you should not hook up with:

  • Those who think you are their problem.
  • Those that don’t value what you consider important.
  • Those who are not teachable.
  • Those who ignore your wants. 
  • Those who weaken your faith.
  • Those who hate what you love.

Here is a list of 5 principles of Relationships

  • Your friends affect your future.
  • Every relationship is either a weed or a flower.
  • Every relationship you have is either a weakness or a strength.
  • Every relationship you have is a current that sweeps you towards your destiny or moves you away from it. 
  • Your relationship should expand your vision of your future not keep you in the past.

The life you are living today is the result of a conversation you had yesterday. Your conversation reveals whether you are a winner or a loser.

  • A loser majors on problems and a winner majors on possibilities. 
  • A loser discusses obstacles and a winner talks about opportunities. 
  • A loser talks about disease and a winner talks about health.
  • A loser thinks like a victim and a winner talks like a victor.

Do you know who you really are? I can tell you this much . . . you are not a trash can!

Life is a series of choices

Walking AwayLife is a series of choices and dependency is a reliance on something or someone else for support or existence. ” I must have this to live.” Dependency can be either negative or positive. Dependency can be an addition to any abject, behavior, or person that represents an underlying attempt to get our emotional needs met. ” I must do this to meet my needs, to make me happy, to make me feel significant. What have you become dependent on that may be causing you more pain than it’s worth? 

Everyone  is suffering from some form of addiction even additions that come under behaviors that are generally considered to be good, those that are wildly socially acceptable but may be equally harmful such as perfectionism, workaholic, care giving, extreme weight loss.

Or, maybe you are suffering form a love addition in which you feel your identity is in another person ( A weak “love addict” is emotionally dependent on someone considered strong.) “A savior addiction” in which you feel your identity is in your ability to meet the needs of another person ( A strong ” savior” needs to be needed by someone considered weak.) Because addictions can provided a momentary high, good feelings are usually associated with them.

Life is full of a myriad of possibilities for us to choose from and once we lose our way we can start to feel as if we are at the mercy of the wind blowing from one person to another, from one philosophy to another. You can even to start to feel like you are a trash can . . . I am here to tell you no matter what your addiction is or dependency is about you are not a trash can! 

Happily Ever After Sounds So Romantic and Appealing Doesn’t It?

Sweet Little GirlThe idea of Cinderella and other legendary princesses from the land of make-believe has captured the heart of almost every little girl for decades thanks to the creative genius of the late Walt Disney and the company he founded. When you were growing up were you captivated by the Princess World and everything pink, from the sheets on your bed to the princess costumes made of tulle and gauze? Or did you identify with Cinderella before she became a princess? Snow White, Cinderella, plus Ariel and Belle “Bibbi-de-bob-adee-boo,” there’s a Princess team.   

Each princess has a story and a recipe for their favorite food to bake on their talking pink Princess stove. Cinderella has her pumpkin pie, Snow White prefers apple cobbler. The tea-pot makes a whistling noise and tea is served with plastic bananas, hot dogs and cupcakes. Princesses live on cupcakes and pink princess dollars. Take a stroll through any toy store and you see the power of the princess. There are princess CD’s, DVD,s tea set, gowns and puzzles and much more.

Sometimes it seems as if all princess sound alike, so it’s hard to tell if you are listening to Snow White or Pocahontas, who has been made an honorary princess in the spirit of cultural diversity. All princesses’ voices are lifting and sweet. Just because we all read Snow White, and most of us did, that doesn’t mean that we grew up to cook and clean for seven short men, hiding in the dense Forrest from the evil stepmother who wants to do us in.

The question that so many are wondering about is, Why are girls so taken with the princess fantasy?  Is it because every girl wants to be considered physically attractive? Snow White was proclaimed “the fairest of them all”by the magic mirror, and all eyes were on Cinderella at the top of the staircase when she walked into the ballroom. Or, is it the song? Every Disney princess has a beautiful voice, and some of the story lines are based around talent. Or, it the beautiful clothes? Princess wear lovely gowns in bright colors.

Or maybe, it’s the handsome suitor. A princess is always pursued by an attractive male prospect? Or, is the hope of going from rags to riches by marring a prince? And last of all the happily ever after part . . . this is true for every Disney princess, but unfortunate not for the rest of us. Nevertheless, the concept of marring a handsome prince and living happily ever after (no, conflicts or problems) is appealing to young dreamers who hope that one day they will the same privilege. “Happily ever after” sound so romantic and appealing doesn’t it?

What about the little girls who grew up hearing cruel voices following them wherever they went? What happens when they don’t have allies to intervene? What happens to them when they hear evil messages in their immature ears:”The other children don’t like you.” “See, I told you you’d fail.” “You’re different.” “You’re foolish.” “They hate you.” You’re worthless!” As time passes, the voices get louder and more urgent, until they obliterate all other sounds in an adolescents mind and throughout adult hood .

Girls want to know who they are! They want to be accepted and loved. I want you to know that you are one of a kind uniquely created and full of untapped talents and . . . you are not a trash can!

 

Have The Courage To Say No

Don't marry the wrong personHaving the courage to say “No’ means that you trust yourself and your relationship. It means you believe your bond has the strength and resilience to absorb your “No,” as well as the power and to grow in moral fortitude. In saying “No” you exercise that faith, that the two of you, together, can live by the values represented by our No; recognizing that theses values will take you to a level higher that the one embodied by the things that you are choosing to resist. 

Sure, you could have five more drinks and lose consciousness. Yes, you could tell a lie and lose your integrity, Yes, you could capitulate to all your sweethearts preferences and then resent him or her because you did. We are defined in life and in love not only by what we have the fortitude to undertake but also by what we have the courage to resist. In a long ago movie, Days of Wine and Roses, a man a woman descend into a wildly gyrating spiral of alcoholism, all the while egging each other on. Finally, the man says “No” to himself, then eventually to his wife. 

Life doesn’t always ask us for such intense denunciations, not is the path to our “No’s” always so excruciatingly painful. But we all have things that we have to say “No” to, for ourselves and in our relationships or else move in a direction that isn’t for our highest good.

Sometimes these “No’s” are small and simple, an unadorned statement of preference that’s a quiet affirmation of your right to be yourself. “No, I don’t want to go to the late show; I’ll be too tired for work in the morning. “No, I don’t want dessert,” “No, I don’t want to go to the party.” Sometimes they ask for more strength, require that you actually take a stand:  “No, I buy a new car  . . . We’re already in too much debt,” or sometimes, as in the unforgettable, movie, they involve issues of life and death: “No, I won’t give up my AA meeting just because you’d like me at home on Tuesday night.”  “No, I don’t want to marry you and “No I don’t want to drink or use drugs with you any more. Sometimes you just got to say “I”m not a trash can and stick up for yourself . . .