Category Archives: Addictions

Tie Up Your Emotional Loose Ends

Posted in Addictions, Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Love, Marriage, Relationships by

Keep Your PromisesEveryone has a few emotional loose ends attached to something that their sweetheart has said or done.  Some are harmful while others fester like unexpressed resentments, unmanaged hurts, unresolved conflicts, unmentioned little embarrassments, or unfair requests that are hiding out in the background. Sadly, unsaid, they stand between sweethearts spoiling their emotional bond, clouding the clarity they’d like to have for one another.

Leaving them with emotional loose ends, instead of letting their conflicts, requests, and difficulties languish in the slough of non-expression, they bring them to a conclusion and make peace with one another before going on. Doing this implies that they both desire and believe they can bring their union into the place of emotional homeostasis, of calm, in which they can begin to take tender emotional risks and deepen their relationship.

We all have a tendency to let things go, to hope that whatever is amiss will just work itself out or disappear. Some things do become conveniently irrelevant in time, but the truth is that not resolving resentments and conflicts takes an incredible amount of energy. And all the energy could better be used for kissing each other or making plans to go on a date. So instead of building gallows for your love, take an extra time to resolve your unfinished emotional loose end, no matter how trite or inconsequential it may seem.

Remember ” You Are Not A Trash Can” and love blossoms under blue skies and trying up emotional loose ends shoos all the dark clouds away.

 

Your Truth May Not Be What It Once Was

Posted in Addictions, Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Hope, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self- Help by

Be RealTruth is a journey toward itself. To live in truth is to be aware that , as your context changes, so will your view of the truth and the range of the truth that your heart and soul can contain. Your truth may not be now what it was or what it will be in the future; but it is your duty to live and speak your truth of the moment and to be willing to change it, should some larger truth be revived.

In relationships, we begin with the small truth about what’s true in that moment for us and speak them, in love, to the person we love. We start by sharing our stories, our needs, our hopes, and our dreams, then move on, through the many and varied vicissitude of our ever unfolding personal selves, toward the truth that embraces us all. For the ultimate truth is immense ; it swallows up all other truths, our little individual truths, the contradictions we all are living, and even the bigger truths of paradox principles and rules.

Begin your journey toward truth. and search for the truth inside you that is longing to be expressed and when you find your truth speak it. See the truth as it stands in your midst, that is carried, embodied, and spoken to you by those you can trust and start living the higher truth as it revealed to you. Your truth can come to you through art, in music, in literature, in nature, and in your dreams. Receive that truth and allow it surround you , for  truth is everywhere. Surrender yourself to the truth, for to live your life in truth is to live in freedom.

There is nothing purer than the truth. It stands inviolate on its own merit, seeing through falsehood and equivocation, shining brilliant at the spiritual totem around which our whole lives are organized. The truth is indivisible , stunning, eternal, the Alpha and Omega of our mortal human existence. Nothing less than the truth can ever equal it: and nothing less than the truth can ever pass it and you certainly were not created to be used as anyone’s trash can so if you are feeling that way stop and sift through the lies you are believing about yourself because the truth will set you free indeed.

Do You Really Need to Fire Your Verbal Machine Gun?

Posted in Addictions, Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self- Help by

Be RealBefore you fire your verbal machine gun it’s important to investigate the maturity of your emotional output. Just because you feel like saying something doesn’t mean it has to be said in the way or at exactly the moment you feel like saying it. Remember, your relationship is a precious thing that deserves to be preserved. Look for a more appropriate time and way to express your feelings so that your relationship will be enhanced rather than eroded or destroyed.

When you fight leave the kitchen sink in the kitchen. What I mean by this is don’t just throw things into the argument that don’t have anything to do with the issues at hand. Why bring up something that happened ten months ago that just adds confusion and  is not the right way to treat someone or anyone.

So no matter what you’re so furious about, try to resist the temptation to let it all hang out or to let the devil take the hindmost. It’s important to stop and think before you let the other person have it. Ask yourself two questions.

Do I really need to say this? That is, does this horrible, angry, vituperative, or character-blasting thing really need to be said? Will it improve the immediate situation? Is there anything useful to be gained by saying mean words? For example, saying to your sweetheart that you not only think your sex life is awful now, but it has been for the past five years? Will this or similar remarks speed up the person’s evolution, or your own, or is saying it just the indulgence of revved up emotions that want to released?

Ask yourself this question. Do I really need to say this now? The diatribe you want to indulge in may include some very valuable points that really do need to be expressed. But is this the time to make them? Will you set off a furor or engender a useful response? Remember you are not a trash can and if you are in a relationship with someone who says horrible, angry, vituperative character blasting things at you or about you . You might consider getting counseling to find out why you are allowing someone to treat that way because God didn’t create you to be treated badly by anyone.

 

Rediscover The Harmony In Your Life

Posted in Addictions, Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Harmony, Hope, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self- Help by

A man should find himself before he finds a womanHarmony is the spiritual beauty of any intimate relationship and the elegant coexistence, peaceful compatibility, a similarity of frequency. It’s knowing that you share the same view of the world, that what you want out of life runs along parallel lines. It’s looking at your sweetheart and being able to say to yourself,”We stand for the same things, don’t we? “We may encounter some rough spots, but at heart we both share the same values.”

In relationships, harmony is a gift of the spirit. It is a mystic similarity of essence that allows you to operate both separately and together from knowing that between you there is a sacred resonance. In a sense, it’s the very reason you chose each other in the first place, if there weren’t a certain degree of harmony between you, you wouldn’t have thrown your lot in together and established a relationship. When there’s harmony you can feel it: it will add grace to all your undertakings, your work, the rearing of your children, the way you conduct the actions in your daily life, the way you handle conflict, and what you perceive to be the underlying deep direction of your life.

Unfortunately, life scratches and claws at the harmony of our relationships. Too many demands in to many forms can undermine the pleasant ground of any union’s harmoniousness. Conversely, harmony that is nurtured can be restored by being lovingly remembered. If the harmony in your relationship is lacking ask yourselves the following questions: After all the fuss and fray, when the kids are in bed, when the fight is over, is the stream of your life together most of the time so good, so flowing, that, in general, you can give thanks for his or her presence in you life? In what ways are the two of you at the core, a complement, a mirror, a balance for one another? What things still gives you pleasure together? What is the highest purpose of your relationship and what is your common undertaking? 

If you are having a hard time finding answers to these  questions, take a good look at what’s compromising the harmony in your relationship. Is it something you can change? is it circumstantial, you’re wife’s been working over time for a month, or is it an emotionally issue that needs to be dealt with? What is the one thing you can do or say that would be a first step towards restoring harmony? Once you take the first step towards harmony it will pursue you.