Sometimes Words get in the way. Sometimes they don’t say enough. Sometimes they get stuck in the back of your throat. But just because your tongue is tied doesn’t mean you’re cut off from each other.
It’s great to say those magical three words,”I love you,” but there are many others ways to let your loved one know how you feel. You can say an awful lot with a look, a touch, a smile, a frown, a thoughtful gesture, a shrug, a favorite meal, a changed diaper, a silently paid bill, a remembered anniversary, or a romantic walk along the beach.
You can also communicate negative thoughts in silent ways, like forgetting her birthday, not calling to say you’ll be home late. Sometimes such thoughtlessness is only carelessness, even then there’s an unspoken message. So let your loved one know how you feel, what’s in your heart, and what’s on your mind . . . in words and in gestures. And as you do be careful how you choose your words, and just as careful in the gestures you make. Just because nobody hears the tree falling in your forest of love, the effect of the thud will still be felt.
Everyone has a few emotional loose ends attached to something that their sweetheart has said or done. Some are harmful while others fester like unexpressed resentments, unmanaged hurts, unresolved conflicts, unmentioned little embarrassments, or unfair requests that are hiding out in the background. Sadly, unsaid, they stand between sweethearts spoiling their emotional bond, clouding the clarity they’d like to have for one another.
Leaving them with emotional loose ends, instead of letting their conflicts, requests, and difficulties languish in the slough of non-expression, they bring them to a conclusion and make peace with one another before going on. Doing this implies that they both desire and believe they can bring their union into the place of emotional homeostasis, of calm, in which they can begin to take tender emotional risks and deepen their relationship.
We all have a tendency to let things go, to hope that whatever is amiss will just work itself out or disappear. Some things do become conveniently irrelevant in time, but the truth is that not resolving resentments and conflicts takes an incredible amount of energy. And all the energy could better be used for kissing each other or making plans to go on a date. So instead of building gallows for your love, take an extra time to resolve your unfinished emotional loose end, no matter how trite or inconsequential it may seem.
Remember ” You Are Not A Trash Can” and love blossoms under blue skies and trying up emotional loose ends shoos all the dark clouds away.
An authentic voice is when we are being 100 per cent ourselves, without fear or reservation. Think about the person you are when you are with your friends, spouse, or your children, and your family. Are you consistently the same or do you change according to who your audience is or how they respond? Have you discovered your authentic voice? Think of how you speak on the phone, the voice you use when you are typing an email, or the words you chose when telling a story at the dinner table. Have you ever tried journeying? Or maybe you’re a blogger who hasn’t found your voice yet. If so try this little exercise. Think of a memory or story now call your mom or best friend and tell them the story.
You can start out by saying. “Hey, remember when. . . ? Or, “Did I ever tell you the story about the time . . .? Once you finish the conversation, write it down in your journal or on your blog and as you are writing say it to yourself without any fear or reservation and when you are finished ask yourself if the voice in which you just told the story matches the voice in which the story is written. If they match great! You have just used your authentic voice. If they’re quite different, well, read on!
There is no better place to start getting to the authentic heart of your story than with your own blog entries and the nice thing about using a blog is that you can write in a timely manner while topics are still fresh on your mind and the true emotion is there. Many bloggers use events as starting points for writing or journeying. Such as a wedding anniversary.
For example I read a story on a blog about a woman who wrote about the night her husband proposed to her and how it took her fifteen years to feel brave enough to write him a love letter. I applaud her for being brave and taking an opportunity to write from her heart using her authentic voice. Her story reminding all of us that we don’t always get do overs and second chances. Some don’t get fifteen years with the love of their lives . So write from your heart and use your authentic voice . . . and be real.
Truth is a journey toward itself. To live in truth is to be aware that , as your context changes, so will your view of the truth and the range of the truth that your heart and soul can contain. Your truth may not be now what it was or what it will be in the future; but it is your duty to live and speak your truth of the moment and to be willing to change it, should some larger truth be revived.
In relationships, we begin with the small truth about what’s true in that moment for us and speak them, in love, to the person we love. We start by sharing our stories, our needs, our hopes, and our dreams, then move on, through the many and varied vicissitude of our ever unfolding personal selves, toward the truth that embraces us all. For the ultimate truth is immense ; it swallows up all other truths, our little individual truths, the contradictions we all are living, and even the bigger truths of paradox principles and rules.
Begin your journey toward truth. and search for the truth inside you that is longing to be expressed and when you find your truth speak it. See the truth as it stands in your midst, that is carried, embodied, and spoken to you by those you can trust and start living the higher truth as it revealed to you. Your truth can come to you through art, in music, in literature, in nature, and in your dreams. Receive that truth and allow it surround you , for truth is everywhere. Surrender yourself to the truth, for to live your life in truth is to live in freedom.
There is nothing purer than the truth. It stands inviolate on its own merit, seeing through falsehood and equivocation, shining brilliant at the spiritual totem around which our whole lives are organized. The truth is indivisible , stunning, eternal, the Alpha and Omega of our mortal human existence. Nothing less than the truth can ever equal it: and nothing less than the truth can ever pass it and you certainly were not created to be used as anyone’s trash can so if you are feeling that way stop and sift through the lies you are believing about yourself because the truth will set you free indeed.
Love of the heart and soul is mysterious. It takes chances. It believes in miracles. It is breath, movement, music, an evanescent moment, a blissful surprise. To be available to its mystery is to be willing to be surprised . . . as a child discovers their face in a mirror, or a husband undressing his bride for the first time, and discovers the secrets of her. To be open to the miraculous is at last to be bountifully blessed. It is to move with grace, as you sweetly conduct your life, from the mountains of your mind to the rivers of your heart.
To be available to mystery means that you are open, expectant, waiting , continually poised on tiptoe prepared to be illumined . . . not locked down in your own expectations of how you think it should happen. In life and in love, this means living free, with your mind-set loose from its gears, not endlessly chattering inside, “But it has its own way,” or “”I thought is was going to be this way.” Our own ideas, those tidy little constructions of the intellect and psyche, just serve to limit our reality, shutdown possibilities, create a universe only as complex and rarified as the busy minds that invented it.
If you are too invested in the concepts of the mind, you will only recognize the things and allow into your life the kinds of experiences that confirm what your mind is already seen. When you set out to prove your presumptions, you scotch your chances of falling toward the miraculous. That’s because being available to the mystery means being willing to believe that something more or different . . . something you literally cannot imagine could be lying in wait for you. Indeed, when you surrender to mystery, you may step into an experience so huge and splendid and grand that, truly, you may feel as if you just stepped right out this world.
Remember you are not a trash can and you deserve to be loved the right way . . . meaning by someone who doesn’t disrespect you in any way. Whenever a negative situation occurs in your life, you have choices about how you think about them, which will determine how you respond. Please think highly enough of yourself to say no to anyone who disrespects you and if you feel that you can’t please seek professional help.
It’s easy to get in a rut and it’s the exceptional that makes love feel like love, and not just a two-person of the drab, dull, daily routine. That’s not to say that our daily routine isn’t good because everyone knows that after they experience an unfortunate event that we really appreciate our seemly dull routines. Everyone, (well almost everybody) likes a surprise, the uninvited appearance of the utterly unexpected, the rabbit comes out of the hat, the hidden treasure, the silver lining. The unanticipated leaves us happily off-kilter, so spice up your life by doing something completely different.
Throw gardenia petal on the bed, put a love note in the freezer, read to each other a bedtime story, bury tickets to the circus under his pillow, follow your sweetheart around with a camera and make a photo essay of them. Leave an erotic message on his cell phone, call her work just to tell her that you love her, sever a candlelight dinner in bed and lastly don’t forget to take the kids to Nana’s house for the night or weekend. Just remember it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you do something unexpected and as often as you can and watch your love turn from dishwater dull to the sparkle of champagne.
Your relationship is priceless.
Not everyone had been given such a gift.
Treasure it, hold it in your hand and up to the light.
Image yourself letting its extraordinary beauty open your heart
And transform you life
Don’t ever forget that you are not a trash can
You are priceless . . .
Our life experiences, the life lessons we’ve learned, and our unique gifts all combined, give us the opportunity to walk into the future with unlimited potential to grow into our own success. Success isn’t defined by a collection of assets, an accumulation of power or cash in the bank. If that were the formula, there would be no sorrow for those in the highest tax brackets. Rather, success is living out God’s purpose for your life . . . using the gifting He has given us.
We are designed to seek definition, to seek category, to seek order from chaos. Electrical impulses pour into our brains from each of our five senses ( sight, touch, taste, sound and smell). Our brains have a very sophisticated system . . . using the electrical input to form thoughts and act upon them accordingly . . . to make order of this flood of incoming information.
As we navigate through life, it simply makes sense to us to group each other as we try to make sense of our differences and nuances. Imagine this: God is eternity and infinity. He gifted each of us with a unique piece of His thinking to achieve a unique purpose He designed us to fulfill. We are more than equipped to deal with life successfully. Remember you have value and you’re not a trash can . God doesn’t make trash!!!!
Let’s be honest we all crave to be accepted and welcomed, sometimes we even compare our gifts to others’, attempting to measure if we belong ; but that’s like trying to reshape your fingerprint to match someone else’s . . . impossible.
If you try to adopt someone else’s roadmap as your own , you will limit where your gift can take you. You can only be you. Who you are at the core will leak out, no matter how much you suppress it. In God’s truth, the true you is meant to reach beyond you, but you can’t grow into the person God created you to be if you live in doubt and unrest. If you constantly undermine your gift by trying to copy other people.
In order to sustain a consistent outlook and pattern, your thoughts, your words, your spirit and your actions must line up. That means that you can begin today saying good things about yourself that your brain doesn’t “believe” on a cellular level until it becomes a part of you on a cellular level.
Neurologically, you are not wired for someone else’s gift. You can try as hard as you want. You can listen to as many teaching as you possibly can. You can buy all the books with an instant formula for a business mogul’s success. You can adopt all the poplar motivational sayings. But even then, you will never have someone else’s gift. You can only be you and you’re not a trash can.
A relationship isn’t something like grandma’s silver that you take out of its box once a year to polish. It’s something that needs constant spiffying up. Okay, given your busy lives, constant is an exaggeration. But how about giving your relationship a shining for fifteen or twenty minutes once a week? That sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? And what do you use for polish? Really mean it when you say I love you. Make sure your words and your actions are in sync. Talk to each other. Keep it simple . . . don’t try to analyze everything. Be sure you’re saying what you really mean.
It’s great to reach for the stars . . . just don’t be disappointed if you only get as far as the moon. Don’t take your partner’s foibles personally. Romance is more important than you may think. Play your song. Two hearts beat stronger by candlelight. Turn off the TV . . . turn on love. Look your sweetheart in the eyes. Make coming home something to look forward to. Dare to do things differently. Schedule a date for just the two of you. find activities to do together. Remember the goal isn’t to find the right answer, but merely to treat each other with love and respect . . . not a trash can. You’ve been taught to say “thank you” for presents, but do you acknowledge the little things your sweetheart does for you? You can never say “thank you” too many times, though most people don’t say it enough.
Sometimes we seem to be operating on the principle that everybody else was born perfect, and it’s only a cruel quirk of fate that, unlike everyone else(all of whom are still perfect), we’ve got some ugly knots to untie. Not so.What is true is that within the basic perfection of the gift of life, we’re all given certain difficulties, limitations, and problems as a kind of meditative theme to unravel throughout our lives.
What ever we must heal, immobilizing fear, explosive rages, abandonment in one or hundred forms is grist for transformation, opportunity for enlightenment. Each time we encounter one of these devastating limitations , we are invited to move through it and experience victory over our fears. On your journey , for example, you may be asked to expand your emotional repertoire from rage to forgiveness, from forgiveness to compassion, and from compassion to indivisible love. Because love is our ultimate destination, this journey of healing is your life’s true work. It doesn’t matter whether you undertake it with extra help or go it alone . . . what matters is that you start the journey of healing.
If you don’t, you will live washed in self-pity, endlessly tossed by your feelings, your unfinished emotional business. But if you do, you’ll see that what started out as your painful limitations become in the end your most radiant assets; and your soul, released at last from its endless emotional involvements, will emerge as the shining light.
As you go through life, there are danger signs everywhere: red lights and stop signs, speed bumps and blinking lights, and circles. But when it comes to a relationship, visible warning signs are few and far between. Sometimes the greatest perils come tiptoeing in sight unseen, and one the most lethal of these sneaky assassins of arbor is boredom.
Before it drains the power out of your love, sweep that gray fog of boredom aside by adding energy. In the same way the warm rays of the sun dissipate a real fog, energy can pierce the grayness of your love. All you have to is: talk, run, jump, ski, walk, go. It doesn’t matter where or how. All that matters is the you do something. The more you do, the further away you’ll push boredom, and the stronger you love will be.
Beware too, that sometimes boredom wears a disguise. It’s call routine. Routines are necessary in life, especially when there’s so much to do., but they have a serous side effect, which is boredom. The key to using routines wisely is to break from them regularly. If you always eat dinner at six , then one night a week, eat at five or go to dinner and a movie. Every once in a while, use your fingers instead of a fork.
If that thought creeps into your head to throw a grape at your sweetheart, then do it! If you pass your hubby washing his hands at the sink, put an ice-cube down his shirt. Sleep on the other side of the bed once in a while. Slip a homeless person a $10 bill. Wear something unexpected to bed. Drive home the long way. It doesn’t matter what it is that you do that’s different . It only matters that you do different things regularly.
Great friends are hard to find, harder to hang on to and the hardest to let go of. So hold on to them for dear life. They are a priceless treasure. The times when you ride high and the times you sink to your lowest their friendship is like elastic that snaps back to center. They understand that when you have a problem that you don’t want a solution, advice or even sympathy. You need someone to listen. They are your lighthouse in a storm. They guide your through treacherous seas and light the way for your voyage home.
They are the kind of friend who is honest enough to warn you when you are about to make a big mistake and kind enough not to tease you when you make it anyway. Isn’t it funny how two ordinary people can find in each other such and extraordinary friendship? Make sure that you thank them for the times they’ve gently told you that you might want to look at something another way. Their tact and honesty make their advice worth listening to. If they could reach the stars, they’d bring one down for you. People aren’t as loyal as they use to be and that’s just another reason to be grateful for your extraordinary friend. If there is anyone in your life who treats you like a trash can you don’t need them.
Have you ever gotten angry at yourself because you forgot to put your cell phone in your purse? Or you made a scratch with your key on your car door, and thought, “How could I be so careless?”
If you get angry with yourself or if someone at work makes you angry or another driver ticks you off, that anger may end up being directed at the person you love. Even if the tirade of fiery words is not directed at anyone in particular, it will make those nearby uncomfortable. If that happens, an apology is in order.
As quickly as that apology is spoken, its acceptance should follow. This isn’t a fight where defenses need go up. This is a case of collateral damage. since the intent to harm wasn’t there and the harm was negligible, it needs to be put aside as quickly as possible. If you have a short fuse, then be very careful that your anger is directed at the proper party. If a driver cuts you off, don’t just curse, but let those in the car know whom you are cursing at . At least that way they’ll know that you’re not angry at them. You might even want to give up cursing while you’re at it.
Sometimes anger can be held in. Other times it can’t be held back. Like a volcano, the hot lava of angry words just spews out. Like a shotgun blast, it might hit its target but also everything else nearby., including people you love and whom you don’t want to feel its heat. Remember the ones you love are not trash cans go get a grip on your anger issues.
Before you fire your verbal machine gun it’s important to investigate the maturity of your emotional output. Just because you feel like saying something doesn’t mean it has to be said in the way or at exactly the moment you feel like saying it. Remember, your relationship is a precious thing that deserves to be preserved. Look for a more appropriate time and way to express your feelings so that your relationship will be enhanced rather than eroded or destroyed.
When you fight leave the kitchen sink in the kitchen. What I mean by this is don’t just throw things into the argument that don’t have anything to do with the issues at hand. Why bring up something that happened ten months ago that just adds confusion and is not the right way to treat someone or anyone.
So no matter what you’re so furious about, try to resist the temptation to let it all hang out or to let the devil take the hindmost. It’s important to stop and think before you let the other person have it. Ask yourself two questions.
Do I really need to say this? That is, does this horrible, angry, vituperative, or character-blasting thing really need to be said? Will it improve the immediate situation? Is there anything useful to be gained by saying mean words? For example, saying to your sweetheart that you not only think your sex life is awful now, but it has been for the past five years? Will this or similar remarks speed up the person’s evolution, or your own, or is saying it just the indulgence of revved up emotions that want to released?
Ask yourself this question. Do I really need to say this now? The diatribe you want to indulge in may include some very valuable points that really do need to be expressed. But is this the time to make them? Will you set off a furor or engender a useful response? Remember you are not a trash can and if you are in a relationship with someone who says horrible, angry, vituperative character blasting things at you or about you . You might consider getting counseling to find out why you are allowing someone to treat that way because God didn’t create you to be treated badly by anyone.