Tag Archives: love

Sometimes Words Get In The Way

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Sometimes Words get in the way. Sometimes they don’t say enough. Sometimes they get stuck in the back of your throat. But just because your tongue is tied doesn’t mean you’re cut off from each other.

in-love

It’s great to say those magical three words,”I love you,” but there are many others ways to let your loved one know how you feel. You can say an awful lot with a look, a touch, a smile, a frown, a thoughtful gesture, a shrug, a favorite meal, a changed diaper, a silently paid bill, a remembered anniversary, or a romantic walk along the beach.

You can also communicate negative thoughts in silent ways, like forgetting her birthday, not calling to say you’ll be home late. Sometimes such thoughtlessness is only carelessness, even then there’s an unspoken message. So let your loved one know how you feel, what’s in your heart, and what’s on your mind . . . in words and in gestures.  And as you do be careful how you choose your words, and just as careful in the gestures you make. Just because nobody hears the tree falling in your forest of love, the effect of the thud will still be felt.

 

Tie Up Your Emotional Loose Ends

Posted in Addictions, Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Love, Marriage, Relationships by

Keep Your PromisesEveryone has a few emotional loose ends attached to something that their sweetheart has said or done.  Some are harmful while others fester like unexpressed resentments, unmanaged hurts, unresolved conflicts, unmentioned little embarrassments, or unfair requests that are hiding out in the background. Sadly, unsaid, they stand between sweethearts spoiling their emotional bond, clouding the clarity they’d like to have for one another.

Leaving them with emotional loose ends, instead of letting their conflicts, requests, and difficulties languish in the slough of non-expression, they bring them to a conclusion and make peace with one another before going on. Doing this implies that they both desire and believe they can bring their union into the place of emotional homeostasis, of calm, in which they can begin to take tender emotional risks and deepen their relationship.

We all have a tendency to let things go, to hope that whatever is amiss will just work itself out or disappear. Some things do become conveniently irrelevant in time, but the truth is that not resolving resentments and conflicts takes an incredible amount of energy. And all the energy could better be used for kissing each other or making plans to go on a date. So instead of building gallows for your love, take an extra time to resolve your unfinished emotional loose end, no matter how trite or inconsequential it may seem.

Remember ” You Are Not A Trash Can” and love blossoms under blue skies and trying up emotional loose ends shoos all the dark clouds away.

 

Wait . . . what? What is an Authentic Voice?

Posted in Friendship, Hope, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self- Help by

An authentic voice is when we are being 100 per cent ourselves, without fear or reservation. Think about the person you are when you are with your friends, spouse, or your children, and your family. Are you consistently the same or do you change according to who your audience is or how they respond? Have you discovered your authentic voice? Think of how you speak on the phone, the voice you use when you are typing an email, or the words you chose when telling a story at the dinner table. Have you ever tried journeying? Or maybe you’re a blogger who hasn’t found your voice yet.  If so try this little exercise. Think of a memory or story  now call your mom or best friend and tell them the story. 

You can start out by saying. “Hey, remember when.  . . ? Or, “Did I ever tell you the story about the time . . .? Once you finish the conversation, write it down in your journal or on your blog and as you are writing say it to yourself without any fear or reservation and when you are finished ask yourself if the voice in which you just told the story matches the voice in which the story is written. If they match great! You have just used your authentic voice. If they’re quite different, well, read on!Mr & Mrs.

There is no better place to start getting to the authentic heart of your story than with your own blog entries and the nice thing about using a blog is that you can write in a timely manner while topics are still fresh on your mind and the true emotion is there. Many bloggers use events as starting points for writing or journeying. Such as a wedding anniversary.

For example I read a story on a blog about a woman who wrote about the night her  husband proposed to her and how it took her fifteen years to feel brave enough to write him a love letter.  I applaud her for being brave and taking  an opportunity to write from her heart using her authentic voice. Her story  reminding all of us that we don’t always get do overs and second chances.  Some don’t get fifteen years with the love of their lives . So write from your heart and use your authentic voice  . . . and be real.

Your Truth May Not Be What It Once Was

Posted in Addictions, Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Hope, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self- Help by

Be RealTruth is a journey toward itself. To live in truth is to be aware that , as your context changes, so will your view of the truth and the range of the truth that your heart and soul can contain. Your truth may not be now what it was or what it will be in the future; but it is your duty to live and speak your truth of the moment and to be willing to change it, should some larger truth be revived.

In relationships, we begin with the small truth about what’s true in that moment for us and speak them, in love, to the person we love. We start by sharing our stories, our needs, our hopes, and our dreams, then move on, through the many and varied vicissitude of our ever unfolding personal selves, toward the truth that embraces us all. For the ultimate truth is immense ; it swallows up all other truths, our little individual truths, the contradictions we all are living, and even the bigger truths of paradox principles and rules.

Begin your journey toward truth. and search for the truth inside you that is longing to be expressed and when you find your truth speak it. See the truth as it stands in your midst, that is carried, embodied, and spoken to you by those you can trust and start living the higher truth as it revealed to you. Your truth can come to you through art, in music, in literature, in nature, and in your dreams. Receive that truth and allow it surround you , for  truth is everywhere. Surrender yourself to the truth, for to live your life in truth is to live in freedom.

There is nothing purer than the truth. It stands inviolate on its own merit, seeing through falsehood and equivocation, shining brilliant at the spiritual totem around which our whole lives are organized. The truth is indivisible , stunning, eternal, the Alpha and Omega of our mortal human existence. Nothing less than the truth can ever equal it: and nothing less than the truth can ever pass it and you certainly were not created to be used as anyone’s trash can so if you are feeling that way stop and sift through the lies you are believing about yourself because the truth will set you free indeed.

Be Willing To Be Surprised

Posted in Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Hope, Love, Marriage, Relationships by

Be Available To The Mystery Love of the heart and soul is mysterious. It takes chances. It believes in miracles. It is breath, movement, music, an evanescent moment, a blissful surprise. To be available to its mystery is to be willing to be surprised . .  . as a child discovers their face in a mirror, or a husband undressing his bride for the first time, and discovers the secrets of her. To be open to the miraculous is at last to be bountifully blessed. It is to move with grace, as you sweetly conduct your life, from the mountains of your mind to the rivers of your heart.

To be available to mystery means that you are open, expectant, waiting , continually poised on tiptoe prepared to be illumined .  .  . not locked down in your own expectations of how you think it should happen. In life and in love, this means living free, with your mind-set loose from its gears, not endlessly chattering inside, “But it has its own way,” or “”I thought is was going to be this way.” Our own ideas, those tidy little constructions of the intellect and psyche, just serve to limit our reality, shutdown possibilities, create a universe only as complex and rarified as the busy minds that invented it.

If you are too invested in the concepts of the mind, you will only recognize the things and allow into your life the kinds of experiences that confirm what your mind is already seen. When you set out to prove your presumptions, you scotch your chances of falling toward the miraculous. That’s because being  available to the mystery means being willing to believe that something more or different  . . . something you literally cannot imagine could be lying in wait for you. Indeed, when you surrender to mystery, you may step into an experience so huge and splendid and grand that, truly, you may feel as if you just stepped right out this world.

Remember you are not a trash can and you deserve to be loved the right way . . . meaning by someone who doesn’t disrespect you in any way. Whenever a negative situation occurs in your life, you have choices about how you think about them, which will determine how you respond. Please think highly enough of yourself to say no to anyone who disrespects you and if you feel that you can’t please seek professional help.

 

Enjoy Your Imagination

Posted in Hope, Love, Marriage, Relationships by

It's better

It’s easy to get in a rut and it’s the exceptional that makes love feel like love, and not just a two-person of the  drab, dull, daily routine. That’s not to say that our daily routine isn’t good because everyone knows that after they experience an  unfortunate event that we really appreciate our seemly dull routines. Everyone, (well almost everybody) likes a surprise, the uninvited appearance of the utterly unexpected, the rabbit comes out of the hat, the hidden treasure, the silver lining. The unanticipated leaves us happily off-kilter, so spice up your life by doing something completely different. 

Throw gardenia petal on the bed, put a love note in the freezer, read to each other a bedtime story, bury tickets to the circus under his pillow, follow your sweetheart around with a camera and make a photo essay of them. Leave an erotic message on his cell phone, call her work just to tell her that you love her, sever a candlelight dinner in bed and lastly don’t forget to take the kids to Nana’s house for the night or weekend. Just remember it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you do something unexpected and as often as you can and watch your love turn from dishwater dull to the sparkle of champagne.

Your relationship is priceless.

Not everyone had been given such a gift.

Treasure it, hold it in your hand and up to the light.

Image yourself letting its extraordinary beauty open your heart

And transform you life

Don’t ever forget that you are not a trash can

You are priceless . . .

Pay Attention To What You Are Saying

Posted in Love, Marriage, Relationships by

HelloA relationship isn’t something like grandma’s silver that you take out of its box once a year to polish. It’s something that needs constant spiffying up. Okay, given your busy lives, constant is an exaggeration. But how about giving your relationship a shining for fifteen or twenty minutes once a week? That sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? And what do you use for polish?  Really mean it when you say I love you. Make sure your words and your actions are in sync. Talk to each other. Keep it simple . . . don’t try to analyze everything. Be sure you’re saying what you really mean. 

It’s great to reach for the stars . . . just don’t be disappointed if you only get as far as the moon. Don’t take your partner’s foibles personally. Romance is more important than you may think. Play your song. Two hearts beat stronger by candlelight. Turn off the TV . . .  turn on love. Look your sweetheart in the eyes. Make coming home something to look forward to. Dare to do things differently. Schedule a date for just the two of you. find activities to do together. Remember the goal isn’t to find the right answer, but merely to treat each other with love and respect . . .   not a trash can. You’ve been taught to say “thank you” for presents, but do you acknowledge the little things your sweetheart does for you? You can never say “thank you” too many times, though most people don’t say it enough.  

 

No One’s Perfect

Posted in Difficult Relationships, Hope, Love, Relationships by

Lessions Learned Sometimes we seem to be operating on the principle that everybody else was born perfect, and it’s only a cruel quirk of fate that, unlike everyone else(all of whom are still perfect), we’ve got some ugly knots to untie. Not so.What is true is that within the basic perfection of the gift of life, we’re all given certain difficulties, limitations, and problems as a kind of meditative theme to unravel throughout our lives.  

What ever we must heal, immobilizing fear, explosive rages, abandonment in one or hundred forms is grist for transformation, opportunity for enlightenment. Each time we encounter one of these devastating limitations , we are invited to move through it and experience victory over our fears. On your journey , for example, you may be asked to expand your emotional repertoire from rage to forgiveness, from forgiveness to compassion, and from compassion to indivisible love. Because love is our ultimate destination, this journey of healing is your life’s true work. It doesn’t matter whether you undertake it with extra help  or go it alone . . . what matters is that you start the journey of healing. 

If you don’t, you will live washed in self-pity, endlessly tossed by your feelings, your unfinished emotional business. But if you do, you’ll see that what started out as your painful limitations become in the end your most radiant assets; and your soul, released at last from its endless emotional involvements, will emerge as the shining light.

Don’t Drift To Far Away From Your Sweetheart

Posted in Love, Marriage, Relationships by

Lunch On The BeachAs you go through life, there are danger signs everywhere: red lights and stop signs, speed bumps and blinking lights, and circles. But when it comes to a relationship, visible warning signs are few and far between. Sometimes the greatest perils come tiptoeing in sight unseen, and one the most lethal of these sneaky assassins of arbor is boredom.

Before it drains the power out of your love, sweep that gray fog of boredom aside by adding energy. In the same way the warm rays of the sun dissipate a real fog, energy can pierce the grayness of your love. All you have to is: talk, run, jump, ski, walk, go. It doesn’t matter where or how. All that matters is the you do something. The more you do, the further away you’ll push boredom, and the stronger you love will be.

Beware too, that sometimes boredom wears a disguise. It’s call routine. Routines are necessary in life, especially when there’s so much to do., but they have a serous side effect, which is boredom. The key to using routines wisely is to break from them regularly. If you always eat dinner at six , then one night a week, eat at five or go to dinner and a movie. Every once in a while, use your fingers instead of a fork.

If that thought creeps into your head to throw a grape at your sweetheart, then do it! If you pass your hubby washing his hands at the sink, put an ice-cube down his shirt. Sleep on the other side of the bed once in a while. Slip a homeless person a $10 bill. Wear something unexpected to bed. Drive home the long way. It doesn’t matter what it is that you do that’s different . It only matters that you do different things regularly.

An Extraordinary Friendship

Posted in Difficult Relationships, Friendship, Harmony, Hope, Love, Self- Help by

Everyone has baggageGreat friends are hard to find, harder to hang on to and the hardest to let go of. So hold on to them for dear life. They are a priceless treasure. The times when you ride high and the times you sink to your lowest their friendship is like elastic that snaps back to center. They understand that when you have a problem that you don’t want a solution, advice or even sympathy. You need someone to listen. They are your lighthouse in a storm. They guide your through treacherous seas and light the way for your voyage home.

They are the kind of friend who is honest enough to warn you when you are about to make a big mistake and kind enough not to tease you when you make it anyway. Isn’t it funny how two ordinary people can find in each other such and extraordinary friendship? Make sure that you thank them for the times they’ve gently told you that you might want to look at something another way. Their tact and honesty make their advice worth listening to. If they could reach the stars, they’d bring one down for you. People aren’t as loyal as they use to be and that’s just another reason to be grateful for your extraordinary friend. If there is anyone in your life who treats you like a trash can you don’t need them.

Do You Ever Get Angry With Yourself?

Posted in Difficult Relationships, Love, Relationships by

Busy WomenHave you ever gotten angry at yourself because you forgot to put your cell phone in your purse? Or you made a scratch with your key on  your car door, and thought, “How could I be so careless?”

If you get angry with yourself or if someone at work makes you angry or another driver ticks you off, that anger may end up being directed at the person you love. Even if the tirade of fiery words is not directed at anyone in particular, it will make those nearby uncomfortable. If that happens, an apology is in order.

As quickly as that apology is spoken, its acceptance should follow. This isn’t a fight where defenses need go up. This is a case of collateral damage. since the intent to harm wasn’t there and the harm was negligible, it needs to be put aside as quickly as possible. If you have a short fuse, then be very careful that your anger is directed at the proper party. If a driver cuts you off, don’t just curse, but let those in the car know whom you are cursing at . At least that way they’ll know that you’re not angry at them. You might even want to give up cursing while you’re at it. 

Sometimes anger can be held in. Other times it can’t  be held back. Like a volcano, the hot lava of angry words just spews out. Like a shotgun blast, it might hit its target but also everything else nearby., including people you love and whom you don’t want to feel its heat. Remember the ones you love are not trash cans go get a grip on your anger issues.

Acknowledge The Little Things

Posted in Hope, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self- Help by

I Heart YouYou’ve been taught to say “thank you” for presents, but do you acknowledge the little presents your sweetheart gives you every day? You can never say thank you enough or be thanked enough. Grand gestures are fun and they can make your heart soar. But if they only happen once or twice a year what’s the fun in that? Little gestures are not as splashy and they might even go unnoticed. Sometimes it seems like if it wasn’t for the raindrops the oceans would soon be empty and doing small acts of kindness for the one you love or receiving kindness from them can be like raindrops that keep your reservoir of love flowing.

When people lose their sweetheart whom they’ve loved dearly, it’s not the grand gestures that they miss. It’s the little things. It’s the nightly kiss goodnight. It’s the vase with just one flower in it that they gave you just because, its hold hands at the movies. It’s the hugs and that sparkly in their eyes that says  I’m glad you’re here. The little things are like the nails that hold a house together . You don’t see them, but they’re doing their work. And like nails, the little things don’t insert themselves without some help. Each one may not take a lot of energy, but if you put just enough energy into the little things, over time you’ll build a great big love.

Everybody wants to hear how much, and precisely why, he or she is loved. Even when they’ve been chosen, even when they’ve tied the knot, they still need the verbal reassurance that they are loved. Everyone needs to be endured, to feel that they are special, delightful, delicious, precious, irreplaceable, to the one they love. They want to be singled out, to be told we are loved above all by the person who has chosen us. You shouldn’t settle for less. Make no mistake having feelings about someone isn’t as good as sharing those feelings with them. Make no mistake words mean a lot to all of us. We all walk around with a huge collection of insecurities, and none of us is so sure, so cut and dry in our conviction about our own self-worth that we don’t need the inspiration of being told every which way, over and over again, exactly why, how and how much we are loved. We need to be told, and the words need to be heart-felt. You’re not a trash can and you were created to be loved in all the right ways not in ways that cause you pain.

 

You Deserve To Bathe In Loves Glow

Posted in Harmony, Hope, Love, Marriage, Relationships by

love (2)Love is complex all by itself and it’s not an emotion that can readily be understood. You can’t take it apart to analyze it and it doesn’t become any clearer when seen through a microscope.  Many men enjoy complexity and life is like a giant puzzle they’re itching to solve, and the more pieces, the better. That’s fine if they are building something in their workshops, tinkering with their cars, or driving to some unknown destination, but is doesn’t always work so well when assembling love.

Just because love exists doesn’t mean that it can be understood. So accept love’s simplicity and appreciate it without an examination. Accept it as it is. Accept each other and your singular. Think of it this way love is like a coat of many colors. You put it on and bathe in its glow. You don’t have to understand anything. You don’t have to see how the pieces fit they just do for the two of you. Remember you’re not a car to just be tinkered with or driven to some unknown destination . . .  you deserve to experience the simplicity of love and bathe in loves glow.

love Is A Mystery

Posted in Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self- Help by

Last KissLove is a mystery, the essence of it is almost angelic. It’s very nature goes beyond what we can understand by any of the systems through which we usually comprehend reality. It both binds and frees us. It opens our hearts and breaks our hearts. It can  neither be seen, except in the eyes of the beloved, nor felt, except in the heart of the one who is cherished.

In visible, its absence leaves us gray hearted, wounded in spirit, while its presence transforms our hearts, our psyches, and our lives. Many seek love without knowing what it is, knowing they will know when they find it. This is the true mystery of love, that no matter how much we are unable to describe it, we always recognize it when we experience it. Sometimes love comes to stay, nourished and coddled by the feelings and efforts of those who have invited it in. Love infuses itself into relationships by means that are beyond our invention or imagining . 

But if it is not honored and nourished, love will leave. In bowing to the mystery of love we acknowledge that love is beyond our comprehension, that we will never fully understand it. The love we seek, seeks us, embraces us without our knowing, and binds our spirits into itself. There is a point at which in the presence of love there is nothing more to say or prove, nothing left to ask for or regret , nothing left except the miracle of love itself. Having a relationship is about loving and being loved, feeling preciously and deliciously connected to your sweetheart. You’re not a trash can so why settle for anything less than being deliciously connected to your sweetheart?

In A Time Of Crisis Can You Rely On Your Sweetheart?

Posted in Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Harmony, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self- Help by

FreeSadly, you may be in a crisis or maybe more than one. You may be feeling that no matter how blue the skies are today, it’s going to rain on your parade at some point. When that happens you should be able to use your sweethearts shoulder to cry on but sometimes for one reason or another they let you down. If the crisis thunders by quickly, the relationship will surely hold, but if it lingers it could  pull you further and further apart until the relationship breaks. And in a hurricane of events, even the most solid of duos may find themselves straining to hold their relationship together.

When you’re under stress, it’s easy to take your sweetheart for granted, but that may leave you blind-sided by a blow from somewhere that you least expect it. If your relationship has never been test by one of life’s more serious curves, don’t assume that you know how well your tires will stick to the road. In times of crisis, don’t leave having some private time to chance where you can be alone with your sweetie. Family and friends may want to crowd around to comfort you, but it’s very important that the two of you connect without being under the spotlight.

If your relationship seems like a firestorm no matter how terrified or tense or sad you are, push aside those emotions and focus on yourself. Dive deep down away from the flames and into what’s in your heart and hold on until you can take action and make the necessary changes. Sometimes it can be your sweetheart that is the crisis. If that’s the case you might have to take some alone time to sort out if the crisis is on going because of their choices and just let them go or figure out if it’s just a one time crisis. No matter what storms of life you are in remember you are not a trash can and you deserve to be loved and respected.

Put More Of Yourself In Every Shared Moment

Posted in Harmony, Love, Marriage, Relationships by

Take My PictureLove is like a garden and unless you tend to it, you’ll never reap the full rewards that it brings. The ground needs to be tilled with kindness, because if is too hard, love’s seed can’t spout up. The seeds have to be planted with care if they are to penetrate your heart. Love needs to be watered with kind words and compliments. 

Love longs for your undivided attention just as the weeds of pettiness and lies must be pulled from the field of love. The fruits of love need time to grow and cannot be picked until they are ripe. If you don’t put the required effort into your garden of love, you can be certain that the weeds will invade and your garden will yield little in the way of love. But if you work at it, you’ll find a bumper crop of love waiting for you to harvest everyday.

When you’re in love, every day should be considered memorable: every good-morning kiss, every hug, every caress, every cuddle. They could be considered seeds that you plant in your garden of love. Your precious minutes spent together on earth are not so easily held onto. A walk down the aisle, that period of tropical bliss you call your honeymoon, your toddlers first steps, or a family vacation may stand out in your memories.

Even if you can’t remember every time you do something together it, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t act like you will. The two of you will experience  thousands of events together and they can’t all stick out in your mind, but you can learn to enjoy those moments more by putting more of yourself into each and every shared moment, they’ll mean so much more to you when they’re occurring. Stop kissing perfunctorily and put some passion into each kiss. Look your sweetheart in their eyes and mean it when you say “I love you.” At the end of the day, your memory banks may not be any fuller, but your love will be a lot stronger. You’re not a trash can you deserve someone who looks into your eyes everyday and says, “I love you” and treats you with respect and kindness.

 

 

Rediscover The Harmony In Your Life

Posted in Addictions, Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Harmony, Hope, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self- Help by

A man should find himself before he finds a womanHarmony is the spiritual beauty of any intimate relationship and the elegant coexistence, peaceful compatibility, a similarity of frequency. It’s knowing that you share the same view of the world, that what you want out of life runs along parallel lines. It’s looking at your sweetheart and being able to say to yourself,”We stand for the same things, don’t we? “We may encounter some rough spots, but at heart we both share the same values.”

In relationships, harmony is a gift of the spirit. It is a mystic similarity of essence that allows you to operate both separately and together from knowing that between you there is a sacred resonance. In a sense, it’s the very reason you chose each other in the first place, if there weren’t a certain degree of harmony between you, you wouldn’t have thrown your lot in together and established a relationship. When there’s harmony you can feel it: it will add grace to all your undertakings, your work, the rearing of your children, the way you conduct the actions in your daily life, the way you handle conflict, and what you perceive to be the underlying deep direction of your life.

Unfortunately, life scratches and claws at the harmony of our relationships. Too many demands in to many forms can undermine the pleasant ground of any union’s harmoniousness. Conversely, harmony that is nurtured can be restored by being lovingly remembered. If the harmony in your relationship is lacking ask yourselves the following questions: After all the fuss and fray, when the kids are in bed, when the fight is over, is the stream of your life together most of the time so good, so flowing, that, in general, you can give thanks for his or her presence in you life? In what ways are the two of you at the core, a complement, a mirror, a balance for one another? What things still gives you pleasure together? What is the highest purpose of your relationship and what is your common undertaking? 

If you are having a hard time finding answers to these  questions, take a good look at what’s compromising the harmony in your relationship. Is it something you can change? is it circumstantial, you’re wife’s been working over time for a month, or is it an emotionally issue that needs to be dealt with? What is the one thing you can do or say that would be a first step towards restoring harmony? Once you take the first step towards harmony it will pursue you.

 

Be Careful Who You Hook Up With!

Posted in Difficult Relationships, Friendship, Hope, Love, Relationships, Self- Help by

FriendshipThe following is a list of people you should not hook up with:

  • Those who think you are their problem.
  • Those that don’t value what you consider important.
  • Those who are not teachable.
  • Those who ignore your wants. 
  • Those who weaken your faith.
  • Those who hate what you love.

Here is a list of 5 principles of Relationships

  • Your friends affect your future.
  • Every relationship is either a weed or a flower.
  • Every relationship you have is either a weakness or a strength.
  • Every relationship you have is a current that sweeps you towards your destiny or moves you away from it. 
  • Your relationship should expand your vision of your future not keep you in the past.

The life you are living today is the result of a conversation you had yesterday. Your conversation reveals whether you are a winner or a loser.

  • A loser majors on problems and a winner majors on possibilities. 
  • A loser discusses obstacles and a winner talks about opportunities. 
  • A loser talks about disease and a winner talks about health.
  • A loser thinks like a victim and a winner talks like a victor.

Do you know who you really are? I can tell you this much . . . you are not a trash can!

Life is a series of choices

Posted in Co-Dependency, Difficult Relationships, Hope, Love, Relationships, Self- Help by

Walking AwayLife is a series of choices and dependency is a reliance on something or someone else for support or existence. ” I must have this to live.” Dependency can be either negative or positive. Dependency can be an addition to any abject, behavior, or person that represents an underlying attempt to get our emotional needs met. ” I must do this to meet my needs, to make me happy, to make me feel significant. What have you become dependent on that may be causing you more pain than it’s worth? 

Everyone  is suffering from some form of addiction even additions that come under behaviors that are generally considered to be good, those that are wildly socially acceptable but may be equally harmful such as perfectionism, workaholic, care giving, extreme weight loss.

Or, maybe you are suffering form a love addition in which you feel your identity is in another person ( A weak “love addict” is emotionally dependent on someone considered strong.) “A savior addiction” in which you feel your identity is in your ability to meet the needs of another person ( A strong ” savior” needs to be needed by someone considered weak.) Because addictions can provided a momentary high, good feelings are usually associated with them.

Life is full of a myriad of possibilities for us to choose from and once we lose our way we can start to feel as if we are at the mercy of the wind blowing from one person to another, from one philosophy to another. You can even to start to feel like you are a trash can . . . I am here to tell you no matter what your addiction is or dependency is about you are not a trash can! 

Happily Ever After Sounds So Romantic and Appealing Doesn’t It?

Posted in Difficult Relationships, Hope, Love, Relationships, Self- Help by

Sweet Little GirlThe idea of Cinderella and other legendary princesses from the land of make-believe has captured the heart of almost every little girl for decades thanks to the creative genius of the late Walt Disney and the company he founded. When you were growing up were you captivated by the Princess World and everything pink, from the sheets on your bed to the princess costumes made of tulle and gauze? Or did you identify with Cinderella before she became a princess? Snow White, Cinderella, plus Ariel and Belle “Bibbi-de-bob-adee-boo,” there’s a Princess team.   

Each princess has a story and a recipe for their favorite food to bake on their talking pink Princess stove. Cinderella has her pumpkin pie, Snow White prefers apple cobbler. The tea-pot makes a whistling noise and tea is served with plastic bananas, hot dogs and cupcakes. Princesses live on cupcakes and pink princess dollars. Take a stroll through any toy store and you see the power of the princess. There are princess CD’s, DVD,s tea set, gowns and puzzles and much more.

Sometimes it seems as if all princess sound alike, so it’s hard to tell if you are listening to Snow White or Pocahontas, who has been made an honorary princess in the spirit of cultural diversity. All princesses’ voices are lifting and sweet. Just because we all read Snow White, and most of us did, that doesn’t mean that we grew up to cook and clean for seven short men, hiding in the dense Forrest from the evil stepmother who wants to do us in.

The question that so many are wondering about is, Why are girls so taken with the princess fantasy?  Is it because every girl wants to be considered physically attractive? Snow White was proclaimed “the fairest of them all”by the magic mirror, and all eyes were on Cinderella at the top of the staircase when she walked into the ballroom. Or, is it the song? Every Disney princess has a beautiful voice, and some of the story lines are based around talent. Or, it the beautiful clothes? Princess wear lovely gowns in bright colors.

Or maybe, it’s the handsome suitor. A princess is always pursued by an attractive male prospect? Or, is the hope of going from rags to riches by marring a prince? And last of all the happily ever after part . . . this is true for every Disney princess, but unfortunate not for the rest of us. Nevertheless, the concept of marring a handsome prince and living happily ever after (no, conflicts or problems) is appealing to young dreamers who hope that one day they will the same privilege. “Happily ever after” sound so romantic and appealing doesn’t it?

What about the little girls who grew up hearing cruel voices following them wherever they went? What happens when they don’t have allies to intervene? What happens to them when they hear evil messages in their immature ears:”The other children don’t like you.” “See, I told you you’d fail.” “You’re different.” “You’re foolish.” “They hate you.” You’re worthless!” As time passes, the voices get louder and more urgent, until they obliterate all other sounds in an adolescents mind and throughout adult hood .

Girls want to know who they are! They want to be accepted and loved. I want you to know that you are one of a kind uniquely created and full of untapped talents and . . . you are not a trash can!